Everyone who knew me before 9/11 believes im dead.

I am homeless and no one (not even my family) knows about it.

When I started my new job, I found your picture in my desk. I hope you're still alive.

My fellow Men of the world: Put the video games down. Man-up, Suit-up, and wine & dine the fuck out of a beautiful girl.

Im one of the most popular writers in the fandom and everytime I update I wonder if he reads.

I saw my next door neighbor Naked through her window twice. I now check everyday just in case...

In a crowd, (friends, family, strangers) I always wonder which of us will die FIRST.

I'm a minister, but sometimes I look to see if other ministers will wink at me (as if to say) "Hah. Yeah, I'm in on the joke too..."

Psst, Heres a secret... Your last mortal thought will be, "why did I take so many days - just like today - for granted?"

My wife and I are working at home because of COVID. I wish the quarantine would never end. I love my job, my wife hates hers and hates the company. She said she has never been paid to have sex so when we have it during her normal work hours, she feels like they are paying her to have it. In a way, she feels that by literally screwing me on their time she is also figuratively screwing her company. We have sex almost every work day and then recover on the weekend. However, she is trailing off a little with time. She really takes her time and makes it fun. Thank you COVID.

Of ALL the things I found while reading your texts, learning that you voted for Trump was the worst.

If he touches me again, I swear I'll fucking kill him.